Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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