He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
