Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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