Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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