i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
