Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
