we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
