4 words: hood of his car
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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