that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
