someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
