Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
