Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drunk is not a location!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
