I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
