i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
