Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
