who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Randomize
