i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
