you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
