I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
