operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize