he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
