I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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