You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
