Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
