Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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