That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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