In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
