is your mom at the bar?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
