before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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