you would pick up someone in the library
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize