The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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