It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
