Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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