Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
