I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
