even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
