yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
