just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
