No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
