please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
