She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
