I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
