apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
