so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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