worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
