Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dignity is for republicans.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
