i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This toilet bowl is my home.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
