you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just had sex on a roof
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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