So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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