The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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