1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
