the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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