I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
