Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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