She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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