see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
