the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
