NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
