May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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