sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
