Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pants are for mortals
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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