I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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