So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
