I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
