Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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