And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
