I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
