i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
