The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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