Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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