he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
