and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
