Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
