so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
