the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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