He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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