cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize