Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just threw up on my dentist
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
