Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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