I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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