somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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