All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
