well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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