He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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