she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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