Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We have started to decorate penises.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
