omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think people are normalizing furries
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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