ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize