i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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