I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
