Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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