somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
