U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
