So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize