A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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