you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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