first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
