Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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