and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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