6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
