Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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