I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
