You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
