You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
