Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
