i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My first STD was from a foam party
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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